Poor Ashley-Just when you’re feeling insecure enough on The Bachelorette that you’re not Emily, here’s a great idea. Let’s have The Bachelorette Comedy Roast! Let’s have the guys tell you what they REALLY don’t like about you Ashley ( ie your small boobs and the fact that you are not Emily).
Two worse ideas in The Bachelor/ The Bachelorette history EVER…
-planting a sociopath on the show (Bentley) and having that comedy roast. What were the twelve year old producers of The Bachelorette thinking?
I was so disgusted that I nearly changed the channel back to The Agenda with Steve Paikin.
To kick things off, there was The Bachelorette ‘flash mob’ date with Ben. A flash mob-really? Let’s totally humiliate a guy who has painfully been waiting for a first date by making him dance in front of a park full of strangers. Ben was nice about it but that’s only because he admitted himself that he lives in a plastic bubble and has no clue what real people think.
Meanwhile back at The Bachelorette ranch, weirdo mask boy Jeff finally revealed his face.
Note to Jeff, if you’re going to finally reveal your face after wearing a ridiculous mask for two episodes, you better be Brad Pitt. Not some creepy kill joy with a five oclock shadow. Ashley had the perfect response, “He was older than I expected.” Haha.
Okay, so if the flash mob date looked awkward, the next ridiculous concept made the flash date look like a day at Canyon Ranch Resort and Spa.
The Bachelorette group date at The Comedy Store in LA.
William (who said he always wanted to be a stand up comedian) was convinced that this was his ticket to The Tonight Show. In fact, he even scolded the other guys during the day for not writing material ‘insulting enough’. Can you say cue the lead balloon?
As expected, the routines were painful. Just when you wanted to crawl behind your couch in embarrassment for the guys, William stepped up to The Bachelorette guillotine and placed his head on the chopping block with this comedy gem, “I thought I signed up to be with Emily or Chantal, and then Ashley’s here. Really, who gives a sh–?” Ouch.
Even Bentley thought that was cruel.
Just when Ashley was ready to be carted off for grief counseling, Bentley moved in for the final kill. “I’ll mess with her head” he said.
Bentley feigned concern and Ashley ate it up his cheesy compassion with a knife and a fork. Thus setting up the scene perhaps for one of the most cruel dumpings on The Bachelorette or The Bachelor.
Ashley might as well have been a defenseless seal pup on a ice float.
Back at the house, meanwhile, William was committing hari kari.
In fact, he pushed Ashley away and ran into the streets of Los Angeles at night. That’s mature.
At this point, The Bachelorette would have probably settled for anybody… anyone
CUE Ryan- Mr. I’m Saving the World One Solar Panel At A Time who jumped in and planted a kiss on Ashley. Well done. Ryan actually looks like a nice guy but according to next week’s episode, he’s a Type A Freak of Nature. Too bad.
Again, Bentley moved in for some camera time and snuck off with Ashley. Ashley admitted to Bentley that she was having some feelings for him but at the same time, she has been warned by a close source ( probably the police) that Bentley might be on The Bachelorette only to promote his business ( How did Bentley sneak through the fine tuned forensic screening of The Bachelorette staff?). Bentley blurted out that the source was probably a friend of his ex-wife named Michelle Money. Who has a name like that? On the other hand, this is a guy that has a daughter named Cozy. Bentley mumbled some sort of lame explanation and Ashley was only too desperate to buy it. If this woman is a dentist, I would not want her holding a drill over my teeth. Her decision making is horrendous. First Brad Womack, now psychopathic Cro-Magnum forehead Bentley. What was interesting was that Bentley’s massive ego was so bruised, he decided at that point that he was going to dump The Bachelorette…and he dumped her hard. “I’m going to make Ashley cry. I hope my hair looks OK” (Well, actually, it did look pretty good. Kidding)
When Bentley confronted Ashley the next day, he told her that he missed his daughter and that was the reason why he had to leave. Ashley still held on for hope “If it were up to me,” Ashely said, “ You’re daughter could be here.”
Sorry, Ashley, there is not going to be a happy scene with a kid running into your arms on The Bachelorette Season Finale.
Not only did Bentley dump her but he spoiled any opportunity for her to be happy with someone else by throwing her a bone,” I still want to keep the dot-dot-dot there.” This guy is sick.
Bentley split and Ashley threw herself into bed crying her eyes out.
She was distraught and didn’t know how she would go on as The Bachelorette until DING DONG Lance Armstrong doppelganger JP turned up and the door ( and coincidently, oh look, he brought his pajama pants!) Ashley said she was in no shape to go out and wondered if it would be okay if they just stayed in together. I like JP but don’t forget, this is the guy that said he thought he needed a change because the dating scene in New York was getting stale. New York City.
Anyhoo, Ashley spilled her guts out to Chris Harrison who was as sympathetic as a shoe tree ( Seriously, I like Chris but he really doesn’t have much emotional range. He makes Bentley look like Marlon Brando). Ashley skipped the cocktail party and went right to the rose ceremony. A bunch of guys that we’ve never heard or seen before ( I think they were stragglers from the comedy club) got roses and William got one more chance to hire a writer.
I actually think she’s going to end up with the guy. Who do you think The Bachelorette is going to pick?